i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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