You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
