Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just want to make out with him forever
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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