just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
