My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
