so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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