I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
