Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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