My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
