I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
