So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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