I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
