Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
