dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
