If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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