if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
