thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
