Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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