I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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