Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
