he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
