just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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