its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
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my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
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Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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