now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Who died my cat blue again?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
