they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
