my mouth tastes like poor choices
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
