Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So vagazzling was a success
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
