She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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