So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
only you would photoshop your dick
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
