i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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