I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
