at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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