very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
