fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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