Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
