I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
