i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
