I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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