nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
