his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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