Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
