Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
