i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
