thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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