I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
