you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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