No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
