I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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