everyone is single if you try hard enough
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
