Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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