Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
