I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
