Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
