soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
