im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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