I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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