my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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