Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
