that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
