Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
