Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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