It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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