You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I'm really busy with my period
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