i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
