the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
